Oct 19, 2010

The Three Little Pigs

By Adeel Raza

“Be safe boys! And remember to call me at least once a month” a teary eyed Mrs. Pig said, as she waved
goodbye to her three not-so-little children.

“We will Ma!” they replied in unison.

“It’s not like we’re going to Africa anyway!” joked Bruno, the youngest of the three.

“Yeah Ma, we’ll be in touch. Don’t you worry. Besides, what’s the worst that could happen huh? Some
big bad wolf might come along and decide he’d like some bacon for breakfast?” Trey added. Mrs. Pig
threatened to burst into a fresh stream of tears at that before Drew intervened.

“Oh God Ma! Don’t listen to those two numbskulls. You know I’ll take care of us all.” The other two
seemed on the verge of a retort but managed a weak “Ow!” as Drew nudged them both hard in the ribs.
Glaring at them, he jerked his head toward Mrs. Pig. With that, the three of them hugged her goodbye
and set off.

“Freedom, freeeedom, FREEEEEEDOM! Yea –“

“Oh would you can it?” Trey cut into Bruno’s tone-deaf rendition of a famous soul song. “We’re not
leaving home to enjoy ourselves.” The afternoon sun burned down on the three pigs as they trundled
along the countryside road, their possessions bobbing up and down on their shoulders, neatly packed
into bundles.

“Jeez Trey, I’m only trying to lighten the mood here. Don’t get your knickers in a twist. What’s on the
agenda D?”

“Ah, I thought you’d never ask. Behold boys. Our guide to independent life.” said Drew, producing a
leather-bound book the size of a brick. “For generations past and for those to come, this book has been
a source of guidance to all pigs entering the real world. Only those who have come of age may gaze
upon the sacred information held within!”

“Alright, alright. Enough with the melodramatic mumbo-jumbo. What does it say we have to do?”
Trey interjected; multiple depressions in the mud already showing where he had started kicking dirt in
impatience.

“Aren’t we just the cool cucumber?” Bruno piped back, ducking to avoid Trey’s onrushing fist.

“Cut it out you two. This is no time for childish antics. Now, gather round. This is going to be legen-wait
for it….DARY!” Drew’s pudgy digits slid over the rich blue cover of the text as the other two held their
breath in excited anticipation.

“BLANK!? How can it be blank? This doesn’t make any sense!” Drew cried. The three of them had taken
turns leafing through the entire book end to end, but the fact of the matter was, the book was as blank
as your average Joe in Chemistry class.

“What a sick sense of humor this-“

“Wait! I found something.” Bruno interrupted Trey’s angry mumbling. “It says: Find your own
destiny….Oh, and always remember to look behind you. Peace out”

“Behind us?” the three of them exclaimed, perplexed by the ambiguity of the message.

“Oh hello boys.” A fourth, much heavier, throatier voice responded. The dark undertone in the way he
said it was enough to leave the pigs in momentary arrest. None of them had the nerve to make eye-
contact with what was probably the only real thing their mother had warned them about.

“Now, now. There’s no need to get so…uptight. We’re all friends here. Such wonderful friends. Friends
with – dare I say – benefits!” said the wolf, falling into a fit of villainous laughter, the kind only ever seen
in movies.

“E-e-e-excuse me Mister Wolf Sir. That was a very good evil laugh you laughed there Sir. But could you
please –“

“SILENCE!” the wolf boomed over Drew’s trembling voice. “You liked my evil laugh did you? Wait till you
see my evil plan unfold. The one where I….take you all home for dinner!”

Silence

“Psych!” The wolf cried, falling into another fit of laughter, though not nearly as sinister as the first
one. The wigs watched, puzzled, as the wolf doubled over. “You boys still don’t get it do you?” the wolf
continued, wiping tears from his eyes. “Oh boy, you should have seen the looks on your faces; classic.
Okay, let me explain myself. How very rude of me not to in the first place. See, I’m not your average
wolf. I got a destiny-nonsensical book just as you did. All mine said was that I had to blow down pig
houses around the country and yell: ‘I’ll huff and I’ll puff and I’ll blow your house down’, when those
poor pigs wouldn’t let me in. All so I could eat them. How messed up is that!? I’m a vegetarian for God’s
sake! And how exactly one blows a house down with merely their breath is frankly just beyond me.”

Silence

“It’s like I’m talking to myself here boys. What, you still don’t get it? Damn, you pigs are stupid. No
wonder my entire pig-eating kind is so full of brutes. Complete lack of dignity and class. Civilized wolves
prefer their food green, like moi. Anyway, nice meeting all of you. Cheerio!”

Silence

“Freedom, freeeedom, FREEEEEEDOM!”

11 comments:

Saniiya Kamal said...

E-excuse me Mr. Writer Sir. that was a very good piece of writing you wrote there Sir.

Lynette Rodrigues said...

I liked ur story a lot and the way you used the lang was nice too cause it really made it funny

Fatima Arfeen said...

I cracked up. Honestly. I loved the way you've expressed it, and how your writing reflects that you knew exactly how to play with your elements. Great job. :)

Sama K. said...

I don't know whether I liked it or not. It was hilarious no doubt about that but at times I think you just rambled.
but it's funny I'll give you credit for that and the ending was perfect!^^

Lamia Fahim said...

Legendary! How I met your mother! :D
I love the frequent simile usage and the ending. It's amusing. :)

Marium Ibrahim said...

I liked it a lot. it actually made me laugh out loud. and i loved the simile usage, especially the "as blank as your average Joe in Chemistry class."

Najia Navaid said...

I didn't really like the ending, but the rest of it was perfect, especially Mr. vegetarian! :)

Najia Navaid said...

Oh and I liked the 'bacon for breakfast' line too!

Dania Shah said...

It was hilarious and original! Great story :)

ramishakaludi234 said...

i like this adeel.its hilarious.

Nimrah N said...

I don't think Miss. Shazaf will appreciate me yelling on the blog, but I REALLY, REALLY WANT TO ILLUSTRATE THIS!

Oh, and great job with the whole 'i'm a vegetarian' thing. =P I can so imagine their faces.

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