The Three Little Cannibals

By Ammara Mohsin

Chopper, the little pig, stood beside the large, boiling cauldron with a contented smile. Food, he thought as he rubbed his hand gently on his stomach. Finally, they would have a proper meal.

He turned around to face the brown, worn out table. On it lay the body of a fat lady, chopped into six distinct parts. He reached for the two legs first and lowered them gently into the pot. He did the same with the arms.

He started stirring the pot with a battered stick.

His younger brother, Grinder, stood near the kitchen door staring at the body with fixed, hungry eyes. His tongue was dangling from his mouth, dripping saliva.

“Quit staring and help me out with dinner!” Chopper hissed.

“This looks,” he licked his lips, “delicious!”

“Did you not hear me? Hunter’s gone to get more firewood. If this fat lady isn’t cooked by the time he gets back here, he’ll eat us instead!” Chopper snarled.

“Fine! What do you want me to do?”

“Chop off the ears and the nose from her face. And don’t forget the juicy tongue. We need more flavor.”

Grinder picked up the bloody axe from beneath the table and did as directed. He then swept them from the table and dropped them into the cauldron animatedly.

“Next, cut off her long hair. We’ll have salad today, too!” Chopper smiled a devil’s smile. “Oh, and I’ve prepared a dressing from her blood. It’s in the refrigerator. Pour it over the hair.”

Grinder’s face lit up as he set about the task. Suddenly, they heard a frantic knock on the door.

“About time!” Chopper said. “Go answer, Grinder.”

Grinder went to answer the door. He opened it to find his eldest brother, Hunter, panting. He hurried inside and closed the door with a loud thud.

“What’s the matter?” Chopper came out of the kitchen.

“The wolf!” Hunter exclaimed. “He’s coming after us with an entire army!”

“But how did he know?” Grinder piped in.

“The fat lady; her husband told them!” Hunter explained.

“The one who escaped?” Chopper asked, concerned.

“Yes, yes! Now hurry! We must run or we will be caught!” Hunter warned.

“But we haven’t even had dinner yet!” Grinder complained.

“You idiot! If you want to stay and get caught, be my guest! I’m out of here! Tat obstinate wolf officer has been after us for a year now! He’ll get the court to sentence us to death, or worse still, life imprisonment! We’ve killed a hundred people in the area!” Hunter shook Grinder’s shoulders hysterically. “Let’s go!”

As if on cue, the huge army of wolves outside the tiny cottage howled in unision. Their leader, Officer Burke yelled in a loud, clear voice. “You have been surrounded by my army from all four sides! I know you’re inside, the three filthy pigs! Do not attempt to escape, the arms of the law are very long. You will eventually be caught, and punished severely. Surrender yourselves!”

The three little pigs stood inside the house, frozen with fear.

“There has to be a way!” Grinder cried.

Hunter went toward the window. “They’re all over the place!”

Suddenly, they heard a loud bang on the door. And another. The three brothers stood petrified as the wolves continued to bang on the door, attempting to break it. The cottage door gave way in a few moments. The wolves barged inside the  house, guns at the ready.

Officer Burke stopped at the sight of the three pigs. He smiled cunningly and aimed his gun at them. “The three little cannibals! Finally caught! Did you think you could away with all the murders of those innocent people? Well, here you are! I will make sure you three rot in jail for the rest of your lives!” He spat on the floor. “Guards! Handcuff them and drag them to the police station. Let them taste justice for once!” He smirked.

The guards obliged, and started to drag the three by their feet. The last thing Grinder saw before being mercilessly dragged out was the large black cauldron, cooking the food which he would now never get to eat.