Assignment: Monologue

By Lamia Fahim

She's upset again. I don't know what it is that I did to send her flying off her rocker this time. She's been too calm nowadays; calmer than usual. I should have suspected that something was up., should have known that something was brewing underneath that tranquil demeanor, but I was just happy that she'd been quiet and had not managed to embarrass me in front of the limited friends that I had.
  It's not suppose to be like this!
What kind of a life is it when a thirteen-year-old has to take care of her deranged, psychotic mother?!
People talking about me, around me, all the time! They whisper about her and me behind my back and I have to pretend that I can't hear their lies, all the rumors they've created! I want it to stop, I've had enough. They talk about me like I'm crazy, but why can't they see that I'm not the mental one, she is!
  All I've ever wanted is a normal life, but I know I can never have that, so I don't nurture that vain hope, such wishful thinking...
But there are times when I just can't help it; I daydream about a knock on a door, a door I wrench open to reveal my dad...
I snap out of such dreams quickly, I have to, because I know that if she sees my tears, it's just going to throw her into hysterics again.
Don't get me wrong; I love my mum.
Or... at least I think I do.. What I've seen of love.... Well, it's scant. Deprivation is difficult to endure, and I've been deprived greatly.
  CRASH.
  Oh no, she's throwing a tantrum. I will not panic, I tell myself, no matter what happens, I will keep my cool.
Maybe I should hide, before... Bu no, I don't want to think about it; it's a taboo, a jinx, just thinking about it might make it happen...
  She's screaming now. Uh oh... I can hear her footsteps, and they're getting louder... She's coming closer... I'm hyperventilating now, I can't control it.
  If you love your mum, you shouldn't be afraid of her, right? I tell myself sternly.
  SLAM.
  How did she find me here?! She's moving towards me now, she's closing in.
  Please don't hurt me again, Mommy, I want to say to her, but I can't. Pain doesn't have a language, you see.


Ms. Shazaf's critique: Instead of writing "CRASH", write "Did you hear something crashing against the wall next door?" and instead of writing "SLAM", write "One door has slammed. I don't like what's coming next. Should I try to hide?" - this part right here is a good opportunity for suspense.