Where Do Babies Come From?

By Annoushka Bayat

Ben casually walked into his parent’s bedroom to and hopped onto their bed as he did every morning. Without looking up from his newspaper, Ben’s father took a sip from his strong, black coffee.

“Morning Benny boy.”

“G’morning daddy,” chanted Ben in return. “Where’s mummy?”

“Right here sweetpea.”

Ben whipped around and found his mother standing at the entrance of the bathroom. He adored seeing her in the lemon-yellow, silk robe. It brought out her milky complexion and her green eyes sparkled, as did his after his bath times. But this wasn’t the time for admiration. He had a serious question on his mind which had, on countless occasions, kept him up to all sorts of times at night – sometimes even past eight o’ clock! Now was the time to ask.

“Daddy, where do babies come from?”

“Shi-“

“Harold!”

“No! I am so not answering this question! Not now!” Ben’s father folded the newspaper and tucked it under his arm. He shot out of bed balancing his coffee and headed for the door.

“Harold I think it’s time for you to give Ben this talk! I think he’s old enough,” huffed the mother, drying her hair with a towel.

“He’s four!” her husband retaliated.

“I’m four and a half actually,” squeaked Ben with innocence plastered across his face, bobbing up and down on the bed. “Did I ask something bad..?”

The question was uttered with such guilt and hurt that Harold would have been in no better condition if his heart was ripped out of chest and shredded right in front of him. He sighed and at once his wife knew his conscience was broken and crumbled away like a fragile, aged biscuit.

“Okay,” Harold sat down on the edge of the bed and faced his curious son. “Benny…when…a mommy cat and daddy cat love each other very much-“

“But I don’t wanna know about cats. I wanna know about people.”

Ben’s mother could not help but suppress a sudden fit of laughter. At that, Harold clenched his teeth. He knew his wife was laughing at his agony.

“Y-yes I know Benny. But just pretend the cats are humans.”

“Cats are what?”

“People.”

“Oh.”

“Alright so…when a mommy cat and dadd-“

“Do the cats talk?” Ben smiled bobbing up and down again.

“Huh? Umm…Benny…okay let’s put it this way. When mommy and I got married-“

“Wait! Where are the cats?”

“Ben forget the cats for now. So when mommy and I got married, we loved each other-“

“Loved?” Alarm spread across the little face.

“I mean, we still love each other, but it’s like, all mommies and daddies have problems,” he said sighing. He looked down at the bedroom floor, carpeted a soft, peach colour “It’s a natural fact of life. One minute you love each other, and the next-“

“Harold! What are you telling our child?” yelped Ben’s mother.

“Debra, I can’t do this! This isn’t something I can explain!”

“Take it easy Harold. We agreed. You do it for Ben and I’ll do it for Maggie.”

Harold imagined his little two-year-old daughter being told about the process of sex. Shuddering, he faced his son again.

“Okay Ben. I’m just going to get to the point here! When a mommy and a daddy love each other very much, they decide to make a baby. This happens when they are in bed-“

“Or the couch,” snickered his wife.

“Shut up! So in bed the mommy and daddy want to have some fun. And…they…well…the daddy climbs on top of the mommy…and…” he had to pause.

“And they wrestle?” squeaked Ben.

Harold looked up at his son and saw the purest form of innocence he could possibly imagine. He sent a silent prayer to God for providing this window of hope. He had to preserve his boy’s innocence! It was his duty as a father! This is what he was for!

An enormous grin peeled across his face and he sat up right, “Yes! Yes, Benny they wrestle in bed! God sees this as a sign that the mommy and daddy want a baby and He helps them by sending the stalk with their baby!” Pride erupted from Harold’s heart as he conquered this impossible mountain.

“Oh!” Ben shouted with realization. “Does that mean God will send mummy and Uncle Dave a baby too?”